If you were asked, “Are you happy?” how might you respond?
The truth about happiness is undeniable (though many try to avoid it); happiness is an inside job. The one person – the ONLY person – who is responsible and capable of making you happy, is the one (when looking in a mirror) who’s looking back at you.
In my life coaching program, one of the saddest situations I help clients deal with, is when a spouse decides to leave a marriage because they say they’re unhappy.
If that’s you, are you trying to justify your selfish decision by pointing the finger at your spouse and naming the many ways he or she falls short (in YOUR opinion)? If so, remember that when you’re pointing a finger at someone else, three fingers are pointing back AT YOU!
Scripture says it this way; “Stop focusing on the speck of sawdust in someone else’s eye, and instead, deal with the plank in your own.” (Matthew 7:3-5)
FOR MEN, another important consideration is the fact that one of the biggest impacts a father can have on his children, is how he treats their mother. That’s so important it’s worth repeating; One of the biggest impacts a father can have on his children, is how he treats their mother. Unfortunately, when a spouse blows up the family because he is unhappy, the kids become innocent victims.
If you’re in the process of initiating a divorce, because you’re feeling “unhappy,” give yourself and your family a BIG gift. Be man enough to do the following five things:
1. Work with a counselor, coach or therapist for a minimum of 9 to 12 months. Use that time to work through your own issues/wounds/fears/unmet needs (which are the real problem causing your unhappiness).
2. Stop lying to yourself and others; show up for yourself with vulnerability and authenticity. Start being completely honest.
3. Throughout that time, do not drink a single drop of alcohol or use any drugs (as those only numb your pain and prolong your misery…and the misery you’re causing others).
4. Do not flirt, see or talk with anyone that might be tempting – emotionally or sexually.
5. Set up a source of accountability to ensure you maintain those four things, so you don’t contaminate someone else with your emotional garbage or “unfinished business.” (Remind yourself that YOU are the common denominator in all of your relationships and therefore YOU need to get help.)
Do these things for yourself, for that’s the best chance you’ll have at creating your own happiness. Then, do them for the mother of your children; do it for the one you fell in love with – the one you made a vow to, “love for better or worse, til death do you part.” Lastly, do it for your kids and their emotional, physical and spiritual foundation.
*If you find yourself in this situation, please get help. If this describes someone you know, please share it with them.
**Also, make note that this blog is solely about those who seek divorce because they say they’re unhappy. This is NOT about leaving a marriage that involves emotional or physical abuse.
Author of the coaching program, “Decluttering Your Relationship with Yourself and Your Past.”