The Year I Trusted God Too Much

I’ve found that when things are going smoothly, it’s fairly easy to place my trust in God.

Trust, by definition, means to believe in the reliability of someone or something. It requires the acceptance of something as true – sometimes without evidence.

I routinely trust God; I pray regularly, asking for direction according to His plans and His timing. I trust that nothing is a surprise to God, nor a problem for Him.

However, this past year my trust was rocked to the core. Just ten months ago, my husband was diagnosed with stage four pancreatic cancer. We were stunned! His only symptoms were an occasional unsettled stomach and a general feeling of fatigue.

As we pressed the internist for details, we were given little to no hope. Usually a confident, faith-filled woman, I found myself paralyzed with fear, and my ability to trust God seemed to vanish – at least temporarily.

The thought of living without my husband was more than I could imagine. After 34 years of marriage, he has become my rock. (At the risk of sounding like the church lady from Saturday Night Live… next to Jesus, he’s the one I turn to on a daily basis.)

Fortunately, my spiritual journey has led me to a place where I am confident that God’s ways are better than our ways; I know that challenges like this often make no sense to us – at least on this side of Heaven. I also know that God remains faithful and trustworthy.

At our first appointment with the oncologist, he cautioned us not to focus on the gravity of the previous reports and instead, said, “we haven’t even been up to bat yet.” I told him that although I believe in doctors and medicine, I put greater trust in God’s ability to heal. I looked the doctor in the eyes and said, “my husband is going to be the next miracle you get to see.” I think the doctor was as surprised by my words as I was. Yet, as I made that bold declaration, something began to shift within me.

Over the next four to six weeks, God led me to His promises in the Bible, promises to provide strength and (often) healing. Studying the Scriptures fanned the flames of my faith. Slowly, I went from believing that God could heal my husband, to believing He would heal him.

Today, ten months later, I’m thrilled to report that my husband is doing fantastic! The power of prayer has led us to miraculous results: First, a much deeper trust in God and His orchestration of our lives, and second, the improvement of his health.

He’s responded exceptionally well to the chemo treatments and to the prayers of hundreds of family and friends. It appears that we’re nearing the finish line of this cancer journey and I trust wholeheartedly that he’ll soon be cancer free.

I often imagine meeting God at the entrance to Heaven. My hope is that I hear Him say these words: “Alicia, You trusted me too much.” Of course, I don’t think those will be the words any of us will hear, for we all have room to develop greater trust in God.

As we repeatedly put our trust in God, we can experience the peace, the confidence, and the joy, of living wholeheartedly.