What If It Isn’t What It Is?


For the better part of the past 20 years, I’ve deeply processed my past, to gain insights that can equip me to live my best life – for today and the future. (And as a life coach, I love helping others do the same.)


However, the first step towards a better life, is not what you might guess; it’s simply to face our feelings. It sounds simple, but unfortunately, most of us are more comfortable abandoning our feelings rather than facing them.


For example, I often hear women share something that’s made them mad. Then, they quickly brush it off by saying, “but…it is what it is” – usually accompanied with a shrug of their shoulders. Even though it sounds somewhat light-hearted, that expression is actually very damaging.


Saying “it is what it is,” causes major resistance to healing. It’s the equivalent of slapping a bandage on top of a bloody wound with gravel embedded in it!


Much like “cleaning out the wound” before applying a bandage on it, we must own up to our true feelings before trying to change our circumstances. When we do, we become empowered; we realize that although we don’t get to choose what we encounter, we do get to choose our response. We can choose to respond as a victim (thinking we have no options) or as a confident woman, able to make choices that support what we want – rather than settling for what we don’t want.


When we learn to embrace our true feelings, we’ll no longer need to abandon them (by making light-hearted comments). As a result, what it IS, is not what it has to be. Based on how we respond, it can become something better – something we’d hoped for.

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