For the better part of the past 20 years, I’ve deeply processed my past, to gain insights that can equip me to live my best life – for today and the future. (And as a life coach, I love helping others do the same.)

However, the first step towards a better life, is not what you might guess; it’s simply to face our feelings. It sounds simple, but unfortunately, most of us are more comfortable abandoning our feelings rather than facing them.

For example, I often hear women share something that’s made them mad. Then, they quickly brush it off by saying, “but…it is what it is” – usually accompanied with a shrug of their shoulders. Even though it sounds somewhat light-hearted, that expression is actually very damaging.

Saying “it is what it is,” causes major resistance to healing. It’s the equivalent of slapping a bandage on top of a bloody wound with gravel embedded in it!

Much like “cleaning out the wound” before applying a bandage on it, we must own up to our true feelings before trying to change our circumstances. When we do, we become empowered; we realize that although we don’t get to choose what we encounter, we do get to choose our response. We can choose to respond as a victim (thinking we have no options) or as a confident woman, able to make choices that support what we want – rather than settling for what we don’t want.

When we learn to embrace our true feelings, we’ll no longer need to abandon them (by making light-hearted comments). As a result, what it IS, is not what it has to be. Based on how we respond, it can become something better – something we’d hoped for.